sad~

I tot the day was fine.
I tot everything would be fine.
I wanna let everything passed fine.
It was just a wishful thinking.

Hurt,
Pain,
Sad,
Disappointed,
Confused,
Regret,
Dismay,
Was wad it felt like.

Keeping them till home,
Hugging with care till warmth,
Pour it out here,
Where only walls around,
Looking back at me,
With a rain in this little room.



Sometimes i wonder, and i envy turtles. Turtles do not flock together always and yet they live long. Sometimes i wonder, if there's truly someone who can really see to my heart. Sometimes, i wonder if it wld be better if the mask is back on again? Would it have been better? Would it have been alright for both? Perhaps, i'm really much different from all. Perhaps, i shldn't have bare myself, waiting to get slapped right on my face. Is this the only way? Masking myself, hiding the true in a dark corner? I shld have done so? Preventing the ever occuring pain. Preventing the hurt, u and me, both. Ultimately I should have never expect much from others.....who am i to judge?To expect others to understand?


Now i begin to wonder, do i really have a best friend? A friend who can see eye to eye with? Someone who would be there to share and understand? Someone who would tok things out when things didn;t turn out? Someone who would listen and forgive? Someone who would know me well enough to not make me feel this way? Someone would just be frank to me as well? Someone who would tell me directly and explain clearly when things were to go wrong? Is there really no such person at all?

All along i've been searching and everytime when i tot i've found, bathed myself with happiness, baring everything in me, the next time i know, the arrow is in my heart again. Every failure makes me wonder more, despising human with a colder heart. Are human animals ultimately? We are beast and most beasts only have their interest at heart. Not pointint fingers are anyone but this is wad i've seen so far. The road i;ve walked has been long and winding. Seen enough, experience enough to make me really wonder. Does the problem lies in me? Or does the prob lies in others?

I guess i would never know till i found that friend.

~ Love brings warmth and washes away any tears. I wish it could wash away the pain in my heart. ~