recollection

it's sort of the exam period's syndrome.

as usual, i'm starting to fall sick again..and it doesn't really help in making me better without my bebe around.

last night i felt so lonely that i had ZM over as a motivation for me to study. And it was fun indeed. i cooked dinner for her AND lunch this morning as well. Haaa....hope those meals don't taste horrid. :)

arh well....we decided to wake up at 8+ this morning to study BUT hmm.....in the end it was 10 when i woke up. Turned around and saw that piggy girl still sleeping and it took me several shouts to get her attention away from her sweet dream. Gosh.....must be because my room is very cosy...weee~

was left all alone again after she left for home in the afternoon. feeling sick and lonely, i had a nap which didn;t really help as i still feel the same way. Thus, i did wad i always do when all fails. BLOG HOPPING. read a few blogs, many are those whom i have seldom contacted or rather didn't try to.

somehow when i read about their lives, a recollection of the past came gushing in like a flow on rapids. i remembered the many carefully, delibrately mistakes that i've successfully accomplished ( most of which i regretted now) and the teenage naive things that i;ve thought and done. e.g. attempting to club whenever i have extra cash on hand and being a bitch in some ways. BAH.....who hasn;t gone thru these before. All these mould me to who i am today. and all these led me thru many accounts and consequences, the teary nights as well as the joyful nights. These are part of the beautiful memories that i really cherish tho i can;t deny that i really hope some of them to disappear from my memory.

Nonetheless, this is me. and All these had influenced me, made me learnt in a hard way and thus maybe perhaps so.....i've friends whom i can called as true friends FINALLY. and not to mention, a dearly lovely sweety boyfriend who cares and loves me for who i am.

However, i'm regretful of many childhood friends who had become distant since my arrival in singapore. They had been great during that times and helped me pulled thru a lot of unhappy events. I tried, and tried to pull the distance closer but no matter how i tried, i felt like a stranger among them. Left out was the word. They did try to involve me in the conversation but many of the times, i wished they had leave me alone.

All these good friends had sneaked away from my life.....and i, watch silently, not knowing what to do.

I used to ask myself why. WHY? and i came up with these reasons : perhaps i've never been close to them as i used to think i was. Mayb i've never been that significant in their lives. To them, i'm remembered as the girl who used to be one of the top scorers, the girl who used to be laugh happily and loudly, the girl who was so happy-go-lucky and the class rep who tried to cover many of their 'crimes'. Or perhaps the girl who has always been naive and innocent? i can't only guess, had never bothered to find out.

But what i'm very sure of is that mostly only remember me as the girl who was smart and good in study. *shrugs

To me now, my home country is left as just a place where i enjoy staying in. An empty place where i no longer have my childhood friends but recent friends who befriend me for the wrong reasons.

Nevertheless, for some reasons, i still miss that place so much. Tho i know i would wanna get out of that place after some days in there for the empty feeling i feel.

exam stress always never fail to make me remember and chew on the past. The bitterly sweet past.........

i miss my love tho it's only been days since the last time we greet(ed) each other good morning and goodbye.