torn apart

many times i ponder am i being too nice to people? to the extent that i felt used and ignored. I do not know how i should react at times so.....often i tolerate and give in. Toleration has a limit and i feel i'm reaching my limit. one of these days i might just ignore our friendship and flare up. sigh......but another part of me says.......hush.....this is a bad move.

What am i suppose to do?

i've kept this thing inside for a long time. talking it out to my bebe and friend doesn't help at all. What can they do actually for remedy? The one who can change the situation is me. But i've tried and i've failed. It doesn't help at all. I still feel miserable. miserable in a place calls 'home'.

First to consider, my study. Second point to note, friendship. Both are important. I can't choose. I hate myself for being this way. Why can't i juz be nasty for once?

i can be nasty to other people easily, But i just can't towards her coz she's a friend, a good friend indeed tho many of the times, she pisses me off.

i'm torn apart mentally. Exam and THIS. :( i wish sometimes that i've listened to his advise.