friendly

friendly match against pirates.

I was all prepared. Slept an hr before coming, told myself to be serious, no joking, no smilings, focused and concentrate. Don't let slightest praise, or anything else to distract my concentration.

I practised my shootings, my dribblings, warmed up and all geared up excited for the match. With everything sui sui, i tot at least this would be a good match, i shld be able to learn more from this match.

But all was juz a wishful thinking. I have always been prejudiced against esther. During the first quarter, esther had the first ball and she drived. Missed! Never mind, i told myself, mistakes are bound to be made. Second ball, drived again missed. Third ball, same! She was doing it again and again! Slowly all of my concentration came crumbling down. And it made me think. What were all those? What's wrong?

I know i'm not a very good player myself. I tend to be overly cautious during games and have sudden lack of confidence. But i do have to say this out. I might not be in a position to point at others and pick their faults, but i'm still gonna voice this out.

I realise that we have been giving in to esther too much. No doubt that she's good. But then she's not THAT good. What makes a good player? After much thoughts, i decided it's not only the individual skills, it's also about cooperation and team work.

Why do we have to always play according to her style? Is it just me who felt it that way? I felt it when we first played half-court with her. She's good. Yes, she has the skills. We've got much to learn from her. Yes. But do we have to play to suit her style just because she's better than us?

Where are all our plays? Isn't this our team? Not hers right? So in the future another better player comes, we have to accomodate and switch our play to suit her? She'll drive, we shld open for her. Let her do her thing. Is this really the right thing to do? Aren't we slowly losing ourselves?

She said she can't trust us yet. The same goes to me. I can;t trust her. How am i suppose to treat her as a teammate when she doesn't come down for trainings? From all her actions and stuff, i'm slowly admitting that she's full of herself, she thinks she's the best, when in fact she isn't.

She needs to learn to play teamwork games. But she nv come down for trainings. Does it really work everytime when she gets the ball and drives? No. It's not the only choice right? Like today, i was so disheartened whenever she got the ball coz i knew she's gonna drive, ignored us and missed the ball. I'm sure the opponents knew very well that she WOULD drive that's why they were ready to block her. It was so easily read!

I was so pissed off! Whenever i miss like 3 balls, i know sth is wrong. I shld readjust and rethink and reassess. BUT she didn't. She just kept driving and missing the shot when in fact if she had passed and wait, we might have got the shot. She totally treated us as air!

I was even more disappointed as noone pointed this out. And i didn't wanna say anything as i didn't feel any sense of belonging at all. It had dropped to absolute zero. I didn't feel i was part of the team. I felt i was playing someone else's game. Pissed, disappointed and worried. I was all affected and i felt that there wasn't any point of me playing as my mind had totally shut off and i was totally disgusted by esther.

This match was suppose to be beneficial. It wasn't at all! In fact i walked away with exhaustion, anger, disappointment and loneliness. I felt my effort was wasted, my time whisked away when in fact it might have been better if i have stayed, studied for my exam.

Where was my team invictus? Where was everyone?

Am i just thinking too much? Am i just too worrisome? Am i just too silly to think so much? MAyb i might have enjoyed the game more if i didn't observe so much? Am i to suppose to be oblivious? And leave things to others?

I'm seriously lost. And it doesn't help much by asking myself what to do, am i right or am i wrong. Coz ultimately i've never been able to understand myself too. I can only learn through others' voices.

I need to know if i am wrong in my judgement and opinions. I really hate this feeling and dislike myself even more at this point in time. sigh.

However, i was really happy that the presents were done and i felt the stay till 6am was worth it. They were so beautifully done and i hoped they would love their presents respectively. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FRIENDS MINH MINH AND JUD!