happiness?

As i grow older, happiness seems further away.

When do i recall the last time that joyfulness comes from the heart? Without any worries or my mind occupied? When's the last time that i live my life the way i want it to be? When's the last time i truly smile and laugh because my life has been great?

As i grow older, mentally, i'm becoming weaker.

When's the last time i think optimistically instead of the worst? When's the last time that i could pick myself up after the fall immediately? When's the last time that i could tell myself i could do better and that i really did?

As i grow older, i myself slowly diminish into the shadow.

How do i get them all back again? Is it true that "what's lost is lost."?

Tell me. i really wanna give up.

Why do i always feel as tho there's noone there to catch me when i fall? Except myself?

Why do i have to expect someone to catch me from a fall?

Ironic it might seem but yes. It's a battle within me.