It's been two days and i;m still brooding and thinking hard abt this, abt wad i've observed.
It goes like this.
A is easily affirmed to be the best player in our team and she so happens to be the one whom i ropped in. However on saturday i felt she was a changed person. A person whom i did not recall i had known. On that day, i felt she was an egoist. SHe flared up when i asked her nicely with a smile why did she look so lethargic.
I've been thinking....is there something there that could make her unhappy? Well, i reckon not. And when coach wanted to sub her out, she said: Why, i still can play wad. Qns mark, was quite stunned when she said that, but at that moment i brushed it aside, thinking that it might be juz a statement of frustration. After that when we had team talk, she rolled her eyes after someone mentioned something along the line of being positive attitude on court. Worse still, she threw her coke bottle on the floor after it was over and questioned me of my statement earlier on court. Attitude ah!
After much thought, i found that it kinda match the traits of an egoist. What gives her the right to flare when i reminded her tired appearance and hinted that it's not right? I recalled of not throwing a tantrum when i was told off for being lethargic during trainings. The old amanda wld probably said: is it? ok...i must jiayou! That kinda thing. But no! i wonder if it's juz her pms on the day or she has really changed. sigh....if that's so...it's gonna be disastrous for the team.
What would u do? Confront her and let her know? Well, i'm not sure if she can take that. Tell our cap and vcap or coach? hmm....wad if they think that i'm juz cracking all these up juz because i'm jealous? well? I'm not jealous tho i'm a little unhappy abt the little game time.
Right. If they think i'm just jealous, well, it's time that i shld reset my priorities.
Morever, i don't think i deserve to complain abt the little game time and feeling unwanted. Coz the ones who have such rights would be C and Y. If u complain abt such things, i think if i were them, i would feel like bashing u up. U're given game time yet u feel like shit? C'on....this shldn't be it, right? It's fight fight fight. Fight for the teammates, be alert and vigilant. Do your part and don't panic.
I'm not sure about the rest. However, it's starting to feel as tho wadever they have been telling, let's learn and do better, this kinda shit are appearing to be empty promises. Who actually remembers abt all these when they step on court? Since friendly till competition? Who actually do?
They really do have to prove that. Prove that i'm wrong abt all these! IF not, i wld feel disappointed and commencing on the thought that all of my effort are worthless.
At the meantime, i've gotta just try my best to improve on my skills, sharpen on those i'm good at. As such i won't be a failure to myself at least.
It's gonna be another night of nightmare again....
